Condemnation

The eighth chapter of Romans begins with "Therefore, there is no condemnation...".  But so often condemnation simply rings in my head.  Like a song from the radio that you cannot escape, it is all that I can hear today.  All that comes into my mind is black, a voice of accusation; The three year old has not gotten even a hug this morning because you are too busy.   The kitchen rug is not right and it won't be for a while because you can't afford a new one.  Do you ever have a kitchen that is actually clean? You are selfish to check email. The seven year old is not doing her math problems correctly because you have not required her to write them legibly each time.  The six year old is not reading well and you will ruin his life because you have not done more for him.  The baby is fussing and it is because you cannot understand what he needs.  You don't even know what you want to eat for lunch, much less what you want to get out of life.  Your hair looks awful.  Can you see all the gray that is growing?  You are too lazy to run well.  You can't quit coffee even though you think of quitting every day.  Your middle child will continue to read life's situations with pessimism because you cannot convince him of your love.
And after going around and around in despair, I cry out.  Help.  It is too much for me.  And then I can see the darkness for what it is really.  "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing."  And my sin and despair are keeping me from seeing God, seeing His goodness and love, stepping out of myself and ministering in His name.  I have to run and hide when I see the awfulness of me.  But there is more to see.  "For to set uthe mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."  Set my mind on higher things.  Fill me with truth.  Not just the little truths of my mistakes but the large TRUTH of your grand renewal of all things that includes me.  "Who will rescue me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God who gives me the victory in Christ Jesus."  Come and rescue me Spirit.  Keep me from myself.