Some days...

Some days William wakes up very happy.  He is busy talking to himself in the crib and we argue over who will get to interrupt his monologue and see his smile of joy first thing in the morning.  Other days, we find him quieter, or sometimes even demanding us to come and rescue him by name.  "DADDY!", he screams insistently.  On those mornings, he is fussy and clingy.  He wants what he wants, when he wants, and he demands in no uncertain terms that we are not to put him down, but to carry him around.  He clutches his sippy cup of milk and a shoulder and rides about the house.  On the "grumpy" mornings, we draw straws as to who will carry William and who gets to roam free to shower, dress and such for the day ahead.  As a fifth child, William gets some patience and grace that he doesn't even realize he's receiving.  You see, if he were my first or second child, I would be scared these grumpy mornings were signs of rampant selfishness, a monster that must not be fed or tolerated for one instant.  I would have been concerned to "give in" to his demands to be carried, to be held.  These grumpy mornings would have been red flags of danger in the midst of calm.  "My child?  Selfish and demanding?".  The truth is, after some years of mothering, now I know this young child is rampantly selfish.  Just like I am, just like his four siblings are that were born ahead of him.  These "grumpy mornings" are no surprise but evidence of the real thing, the monster inside us all.  And rather than being frightened by the selfish monster that we have to tame, I have found sometimes the best way forward is to love on it.  Sometimes being carried around with undeserved patience is exactly what will coax William into happiness again.  And aren't we all that way?  I can be full of self-pity, only aware of my own burdens...when the light of gift of kindness or an act of friendship will turn me around.  You brought me a cup of coffee?  You sent a card for no reason?  Thank you for your kindness; it moves me out of myself because I see the kindness of Jesus in your deed.  When we are surprised by kindness and grace we are able to climb out of the selfish tree and back down into the world.   And don't be surprised that some days we just need that more than others.

Hosea 11:4: I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.