Hannah's songs

Lately Hannah asks to sing me a song at night after I have tucked her in.  Who could refuse such an offer?  She sings and brushes my hair and face with her fingers making up words and a tune as well.  Her songs are always different, but they are all some variation of:
Santa come soon,
come tomorrow and bring presents
I love Christmas and fun and presents
I love you Mommy
Jesus loves you
She sings with a soft high voice that echoes the good news of which she is sharing.  At first, I wanted to correct her that life is not only Christmas and Santa; there is so much more.  But then I realized, if she doesn't see more of the good, it is only a reflection of the small picture we have shown to her of the good. We have been studying the book of James at church and thinking through sufferings with a small "s" and sufferings with a big "S" in life.  I have found that just like my children I want to sing of Santa and presents and good times.  And while this is good, there are minor chords in life as well.  James teaches that God is with me and has His good for me, even on the days that are not Christmas and presents....which is a good 363 days of the year.  Hannah's singing at night sure makes it feel like Christmas every day to Mommy though.  May I be grateful for His presence with me on the non-holi-days.

Thinking thoughts....

Words:
William when I got him up from his afternoon nap:  "Mommy, the sun brightened me and I woke up."
Henry's persistent word for nightmares: night dreams.  "Mom, I had a bad night dream."

A picture:
Caroline and Henry, 15 months apart in age, sitting and laughing in the back seat of the van.  She is the only one with whom he has no shame, no embarassment, no striving.  He rests in her company and she in his.

We are looking at houses and trying to find one.  Another move.  But to something older, smaller, closer, cheaper.  We are hoping to be true to us, to our calling as a family.  It may need paint, perhaps an appliance or two? We feel good about moving despite the unknowns...hopeful that He has gone before us to a place where we can really settle in.  Perhaps that is why I didn't send out "we've moved" cards?  I was not really settled here?  We are glad to be in Columbia and hoping to find a section of this area that is a little more like us....a few more chinks, some work to be done, lots of outdoors trying to creep in...

A Good Quitter

Hannah Barrett is a good quitter.  I have just learned this about her.  She is my only thumb-sucker, and quite honestly, she has been "hitting it pretty hard" lately.  She turns four this coming April, and I had decided that would be the time to insist she stops.  I had mentally prepared myself for a few conversations this spring about the importance of not thumb-sucking.  Interesting... in that I have convinced Hannah to do very few things in her short life.  She, herself, climbed out of her crib to let me know it was time for a change, and when she was two she decided over the period of a weekend to stop using diapers after watching her cousin Dory's potty independence.
Last week, we went to the library.  In our usual fury of keeping small children safe and obtaining books for five people at the same time, there were many items in my bag that I did not pick out knowingly.  One of them was called "Thumb-love".  It is the story of a young girl who decides to quit sucking her thumb and the methods she uses to stop.  It is clever and creative and cute.  I read it to Hannah; she had Daddy read it to her.  And then she stopped.  That was it.  A decision.  She told us she was not going to suck her thumb any more and she didn't.  That was about 10 days ago.  No moments of weakness, no crazy tears or long discussions.  WOW.  If only I was that decisive!

Help from a Toddler

Some of my favorite things are small and consumable:  a good cup of coffee, cut flowers in a vase, a good smelling soap or lotion, a candle.  My husband has always been glad that I am easily delighted by things in the less than ten dollar price range (he would prefer an iPad to make him happy).  But I often won't actually use the small good thing I've been given.  I'll just smell that soap in its wrapper, or hold on to the lotion for a special day.  I don't want it to be gone....so I am afraid to use it.
Today I jumped in the shower after Brandon had left early for work.  My toddler busted in through the closed door.  After several minutes of instructing him how to shut the door, (since the neighbors all had a great view through the window and open door), he went and found the new bar of soap my aunt had given me for Christmas.  Now, I had sniffed this soap several times.  It is great.  And the paper is pretty.  Left to myself, I would have saved it and smelled it for quite a while.  William had seen me holding it and had asked me about it.  He knew it was soap and he knew Mommy was excited about it.  So when he realized I was in the shower, he went and found it in the cabinet and unwrapped it before my eyes.  "Here Mommy,"he said with great pride.  No saving this soap for another time.  No more holding and sniffing it without actually using it.
There are so many good things in my life that I actually end up holding at a distance;  I don't want to miss them if they are gone.  My family, God's many blessings...they are good things to enjoy.  I don't need to worry about leaving the wrapper on.  God's good things are to be enjoyed.  So glad for a toddler to help me enjoy the small things.

Gifts for me...

I have already opened a few gifts for me.  Small glimpses of goodness that were unexpected joys.  The first was a few days ago.  One of our children has always been our most generous natured child.  She is the one to share without question, to make gifts and plan parties of her own design.  The other day, she told me she was saving up her money for a compassion gift.  This is not surprising, in and of itself; I know she is a generous kid, I know she would enjoy giving gifts to anyone, even deserving children overseas.  But it went a bit further.  She started to explain about how little girls need bikes, in order to ride safely to school.  And how duck eggs are an important source of income for needy families in certain parts of the world.  She said that even goats can provide needed milk for a family.  She had studied this catalog.  She had spent time learning about the needs of others.  She was excited to be a part of making a difference in the lives of people she hasn't met yet.  It was a gift to see my child catch a glimpse of something bigger than herself and her own story...and want to be a part of it.

The other gift came this morning.  I was driving Hannah to church and we were talking about family.  In the middle of talking about her sister,  Hannah told me she asked God to be her King last night.  I responded tentatively but with encouragement, that it was exciting that she wanted God to be her King and that the fruit of His Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, ...) would grow in her life if He was her king. We somehow started to talk about heaven and she asked me if our whole family would be in heaven.  I said that whoever has Jesus as their King will be in heaven with them, and that I didn't know if certain members of our family, like young William, have Jesus as their King yet.  She quickly turned to William, grabbing his hand in the carseat beside her and said, "William, you want Jesus to be your king, right?".  I loved her excited to include him, to be with him in heaven.  We talked about how God made Hannah and knows her and loves her best; how heaven will be full of just what Hannah needs because the God who made her is preparing a place for her.  As a typical parent, I said He will know the favor of ice cream she likes best, the things she likes to do best.  But Hannah quickly interjected with excitement,"And I will get to be with God!".  What a Christmas gift indeed!  To be reminded by my toddler that being in the presence of God is a great joy.

Playing host...(also Pretending Part 2)

One important character I left out of my blog on the importance of pretending...is the host or hostess.  I am thinking about this as I plan yet another Christmas party at our house and once again find myself woefully lacking in many of the hostess skills (thinking ahead, caring a great deal about decorations, and planning in detail about non-life-threatening matters).  The best host or hostess is actually a great pretender.  They smile and greet you as if they had not lifted a finger all day.  The floors always look this good, the bathrooms are always this clean.  They enjoy conversation at the party as if there is no carpet to clean, no food to clear away in just a few hours.  They pretend the moment of this party is all there is, nothing before and nothing to come, just this time to enjoy together.  They are never tired and do not yawn.  And so we settle in and enjoy, and we are blessed by their hospitality and kindness.  We laugh and talk and leave the details of real life far away.  The host or hostess gives us a gift as they pretend this hosting is effortless on their part.  We are all nervous in the presence of an anxious host; the one who worries aloud or seems unable to settle down and be with us.  You have seen this person, they move quickly, constantly refilling cups or moving food about tables.  They are never able to talk, just to be about the task.  The host or hostess who is unable to pretend takes away from the moment; we begin to worry for them.  Instead of being present at the party, we start to think ahead as well.  Should we go ahead and clear the dishes?  Do we need to leave early?  Are they tired already?  Children are very different from adults. They love parties without question.  Perhaps this is because they give no concern to whether or not their host/hostess is a good pretender.  They are able to enjoy the moment regardless.  I have a dear friend who is an excellent hostess.  I went and stole away at her home for solace and rest recently.  I knew I would feel no burden in being there.  I knew I could rest in the moment because she is always able to make it all effortless. And it was healing; it was a gift to me.  For us adults, we need a great pretender to help us enjoy the moment and leave the worries and details behind.  Is this what Jesus did at the Last Supper?  Did He invite them to a feast with a peace and calm despite terrible details he knew in his mind?  But he wasn't pretending.  He knew the events to follow this party were worth it.  He knew the real after-party, the life everlasting, the new heavens and new earth, was actually the best part.  Here's to a Christmas where we can enjoy the moment...because the real after-party is yet to come....

Pretending....

There is value in pretending.  Children already know this.  We adults think it is childish to pretend and so we discredit its power.  The other week the kids and I read about the Sun King, Louis XIV of France and how he attributed the success of his leadership to being a divinely appointed king, one due all manner of honor and privileges.  He pretended to be all worthy, exemplary in every way.  He made the little things in his daily life into great ceremonies, even giving individuals the "great privilege" of emptying his chamber pots.  The nobles of France were swept into his act, the theater of his kingship. And he served on the throne for many years.
 In medical school, they tell you to "pretend" that you know what you are doing as you enter the room with a patient those early years of practicing.  They explain that entering that room with clumsy manners and sweaty insecurity is actually harmful to the patient.  It creates anxiety for them instead of allowing them to be given the art of medicine, the reassurance of a doctor's presence.  And they are right.  The patient wants to believe that just the presence of the doctor is the beginning of a helpful path of healing.  I remember how hard this idea was for me to "pretend" prior to my clinical experiences.  Would I be lying to my patients?  And yet, when I stepped into the room, I found how much it seemed helpful.  I put aside my own self, full of insecurities and questions, and stepped into a role, a role in which I would better serve others.
I think that part of being a good parent is pretending.  Pretending that you do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what you are doing when you tell them that it is important to obey and go to bed and stay there.  Pretending that you are most definitely worthy of honor and respect when you really feel that you make a thousand mistakes a day.  They are young.  As they are trying to understand the big-ness of this full-sensory adventure ride of a world, they need to know there is a steady guide, a calm hand at the stern of the ship.  One day there will be nuance and multi-layers of color to all of this, but for now it is simple.  No, as a five year old, you will not be allowed to decide  what you should eat or with whom you should play.  We know what we are doing up here in the cockpit.  Sit back and enjoy the ride.  And hopefully this "pretending" will give them grace to sit back and enjoy the much greater adventure of life; being a small part of God's big kingdom plan when His ways are much higher than your ways.